Apparently “SpeedDate” just closed a $6 million round of funding and is growing fast.  100,000+ 3 minute online dates take place on www.SpeedDate.com everyday. The site advertises “No long questionnaires,” “Go on 10 dates right now,” “live video or chat.” My mentor sent me the info with the thought that I would be interested in the trend. Perhaps even spark a blog idea. Ummm, yes Gina…you ALWAYS spark ideas! 

So, is “fast” the new “it” thing in dating? Does it take the place of “lets take it slow” and introduce you to the folks before we share a roof? Or perhaps the old-fashioned concept of my friends actually calling you by name before we call ourselves a “couple?” That you know if I drink coffee or tea before skywriting your proposal…

I get it, really I do. There is something to be said for that moment of KNOWING that this person is a yes or no. Some people are just immediate no’s. Perhaps the porn-stache takes you back to not distant enuf memories or the glassy-eyed high as a kite girl next door just really doesn’t work well with your high profile job in the DEA. However, its the immediate yesses that encourage me to slow down enough to get a clear eyed glimpse of this new person who I think is so yummy. If we go with the whole chemistry concept being the best driving factor in mate selection (or symmetry of feature as some studies suggest…but that is a whole other topic indeed…) and it works so well, then our divorce rate goes down instead of up? Hummmm…I’m not sure that its working. Or perhaps we should just give up the whole marriage idea and go back to cave man ponytail dragging contests (I don’t think the Geico Guys would really like that idea as it sets back the image campaign a bit, but it would fit our need for speed, chemistry and instant gratification.) 

With instant gratification permeating every strata of our society from Sesame Street and McDonald’s to instant messaging and “smart” phones, somewhere along the way “fast” became the new “real.” We’ve been so consistently mainlining our dating lives that we’ve become rather autobahn-ish in our approach to mating and dating. “Meet,” “Mate” and THEN see if you actually like each other. Hitting the on-ramp at 90 mph is nothing new to the modern dater. Swerving around the defensive drivers and moving straight into the “fast lane” has become an expected behavior with the new guy or girl. We warn…I really want to take this slow which somehow translates into waiting at least 2 dates to have sex and 5 dates until we talk marriage. Yikes!

Call me old-fashioned (I kind of am) but what happened to the slow simmer of savory? The sultry simmer of a courtship? To take up the driving metaphor on again…the long and lazy rides with the top down along the California coastline or thru the Texas bluebonnets where you literally stop to smell the flowers and take gorgeous pictures of dazzling colors, memories and moments? I find something incredibly sexy in the relationship that grows from a friendship with potential into a full-blown romantic escapade that goes the distance.

I hear the old stories of “We fell in like and then we fell in love” and actually have a flashback to Hepburn, Grant and Stewart or Hitchcock and Kelly. At that speed, life takes on a black and white pristine beauty that slowly grades itself out into dynamic, real life “magic hour” colors. Siennas and cinnamons… the periwinkles and sage greens. Deeper breaths become easier and my foot eases off the gas pedal in order to really take in the story’s every nuance… savoring the beauty that came from a time before cell phones and emails. A time that I really do wish we could re-introduce a bit into our world. The stories of, “We met and danced all night and then slowly got to know each other as we fell in love”… or “I knew he was the one and we wrote each other letters for months before we were able to get into the same town so we could go out again.”

I know, they seem silly in the fast paced, solar driven sexcapades of the 21st century, but don’t you ever yearn for the relationship that simmered, and saturated itself with love and longing, respect and appreciation instead of whams and bhams and thank you m’ams?

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