There’s no denying the fact that young adults in their 20s are delaying major life decisions like never before. Sometimes this is because of money. Other times it’s simply because it’s easier to not be tied down to one career, one partner, one city, one life. And in your 20s, why should you? There’s plenty of time to make the important life decisions that will dictate the rest of your life in your 30s and beyond, right?

No so fast, says Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adult development. Jay thinks that’s exactly the opposite of what 20-somethings should be doing. In her book, “The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter — and how to make the most of them now,” Jay argues that 20-somethings need to be deliberate about their futures.

There are several reasons for this argument, Jay says:

1. Work: About two-thirds of lifetime wage growth happens in the first 10 years of a career.

That’s not to say that unemployment and underemployment doesn’t happen in your 20s. In fact, most 20-somethings will be underemployed at some point. But sometimes the whole underemployed is used as an excuse to put off real life.

2. Friends. Feeling connected may depend more on weak ties than strong ties. All relationships are either strong or weak, based on the time and experience we have with them. A roommate, close friend or partner would be considered a strong tie, while a coworker you rarely talk to, an acquaintance you’ve met once or twice, or friends you’ve lost touch with over the years are weak ties. And of course, people are more likely to flock to people who share similar interests to them, but that means that most of your closest ties actually hold you back.

“Our strong ties feel comfortable and familiar but, other than support, they may have little to offer. They are usually too similar — even too similarly stuck — to provide more than sympathy. They often don’t know any more about jobs or relationships than we do.”

While weak ties often feel too different or too far away to be close friends, they know things and people that we don’t already know.

“Information and opportunity spread farther and faster through weak ties than through close friends because weak ties have fewer overlapping contacts. Weak ties are like bridges you cannot see all the way across, so there is no telling where they might lead.”

That’s not to say it’s easy to draw on your weak ties. It can be downright difficult. That’s why networking, as awful as it is, is important in life. It’s those weak ties that will ultimately open us up to new experiences and opportunities.

According to Jay, it’s when those weak ties reach out to us — not when we text our best friend who we’ve known for 10 years at 1 a.m.— that we feel a sense of interconnectedness because the world suddenly seems smaller and easier to navigate.

3. Love. Today’s 20-somethings spend more time single than any other generation in history, and while young people do marry on average about five years later than their parents, most 20-somethings do want to get married. It may seem hip and fabulous to be living in the big city and be single, but in the back of most of our minds is the scary and depressing thought of being single at 35 or 40.

4. Brain and Body. By the time you reach your 20s, your brain has gotten as big as it’s going to get. But it is still refining its network of connections. Basically, this is the time where we can quickly learn and adapt to new things very easily. But it’s “use it or lose it,” so that’s why it’s important to engage in meaningful actions that stimulate your brain, be it through career or relationships.

—–

So I read this book a few months ago before I started this blog and I had to go back through it to write about it. I didn’t make any notes on the pages or underline any of the most interesting research or anecdotes like I’ve done with the other books I’ve read about 20-somethings. I did, however, go back and find one particular passage that I remember reading and thought was especially pertinent. It was about Facebook.

Here’s what Meg Jay wrote:

“You might be surprised by the number of hours a week I spend hearing about Facebook. Many of my clients feel their lives on Facebook are evaluated, even judged, daily. They reluctantly admit they spend hours posting pictures and comments, flipping through them again and again, trying to see their Facebook pages as others will. They imagine their ex-girlfriends reacting to how they look now. They wonder whether the mean girls they used to know will think they have cool-looking friends. One of my clients laughs at what he calls his Facebook ‘self-advertisement.’ When clients make this Facebook confession, they feel like the only ones who do this.

They aren’t.”

I’ve already written a lot about Facebook and my love/hate relationship with it. What amazes me about the Millenial generation is that we spend more time thinking about how our life is going to LOOK to outsiders than actually enjoying it. I’ve caught myself recently — just the other night in fact — thinking, “Oh, I have to take a picture of this and Instagram it and show everyone how much fun I’m having!”

Remember when you took photos just for yourself and not for everyone else? Remember getting your photos developed at the store and then going home and putting them in a box to find years later to reminisce about that awesome date, event or important milestone? I miss that.

I often teeter between the two sides: portraying my life as I want it seen from the outside or keeping it to myself. I’ve noticed that when I’m having a lot of fun I often don’t take photos. The craziest nights, best trips and most memorable events don’t have documentation except what’s in my head. I’m just not really a picture person in general — contrary to my social media accounts — so when I do take a photo and post it, it’s me making a concerted effort. When I’m having a lot of fun I just don’t think about documenting it because I’m too busy living it.

I wonder if we are ever going to go back to the days in which we’re focused on living whether than showing and portraying?

More At

3 Reasons Why Women Get Name TattoosLinks to an external site.

Why Does Taking Pictures Always Fall on the Woman in the Relationship?Links to an external site.

Being a Good Wife Is Not Part of My “Job”Links to an external site.

Alpha Males: Are You a Better Man Than He Is?Links to an external site.

How To Reboot Your RelationshipLinks to an external site.

Is Social Media Breaking Up Relationships?Links to an external site.

Finding Love: Do You Look For It Or Does Love Find You?Links to an external site.

5 Reasons Being a Bridesmaid RocksLinks to an external site.

3 Signs You Should Let Go of the Man You’re Getting to KnowLinks to an external site.

Why I Stopped Using the Silent Treatment Against My HusbandLinks to an external site.

Never Yell at Your Husband Again: One Woman’s Amazing Marriage SecretsLinks to an external site.

5 Signs You May Be Self-Sabotaging Your RelationshipLinks to an external site.

6 Date Ideas for the Eco-Friendly CoupleLinks to an external site.

Is He “The One”? 3 Ways to Know If It’s RightLinks to an external site.

5 Signs You're Turning into a BridezillaLinks to an external site.

5 Important Responsibilities of Every BridesmaidLinks to an external site.