I don’t know about you, but one of the things that makes me so sexxy is my ability to espouse movie quotes rather quickly and appropriately.  In fact, I’m so fly with it (look how I did it) that I will often speak in movie quotes if the ability permits.  That and Jay-Z quotes, but that’s a whole other post altogether.

And since my blog is for the children, I figured I’d share a few quotes from three of my favorite movies that make the world a better place for me, which clearly makes it a better place for you.

Koonu: When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons,’ and bail.  (forgetting sarah marshall)

If that isn’t a personal mantra, I don’t know what is.  Unless of course the lemons are a chick you knocked up who’s calling you at like 2am to tell you some sh*t like, “Kaine, I’m pregnant.”  By the way, telling her that you put the jimmy on extra tight will NOT make her go away.  Trust me.  Not that I know from experience or anything.

Jay: Now you’re being condescending, see? You’ve been warned, ‘aight? Now, let’s move forward amicably.
Smart Tech Customer: Well, ‘aight, check this out, dawg. First of all, you throwin’ too many big words at me, and because I don’t understand them, I’m gonna take ‘em as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale. (40 year old virgin)

This is just funny to blurt out in the middle of a crowded theater after somebody says, “excuse me”.  If you are at a Black theater, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say this out loud as all Black people know that it is disrespectful to feel disrespected which just may increase the murder rate by 3.  Just remember, disrespect is the number one killer of black males from birth to death.

The more you know.

*ding*

Cal: Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter if you’re ugly as f*ck, or you’re ugly as sh*t. It’s about *talking* to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist. (40 Year Old Virgin)

Kind of like the Panamanian’s personal credo, you know, being a 3 and all.  Confidence and bullsh*t will get you everywhere in life.  Looking like the lovechild of gizmo and Roseanne Barr, on the hand, will not.

Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem? (Coming To America)

Not just New York…like EVERYWHERE.  As long as I keep this in mind, I’ll have a clear mind and a full heart. And I’ll possibly win a Texas high school football championship in Dillon, Texas.

[while Prince Akeem is getting a bath]
Bather: The royal penis is clean, your Highness.

Mostly because what man DOESN’T want to hear this.  I kind of keep this one around as a hope of mine.  Even better if the one cleaning the royal peen is Garcelle Beauvais.

Maurice: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now… now I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.

I actually use this one any time I meet an aspiring young brotha of any circumstance.  I remind him that if he works hard enough, that one day he’ll make it to fries.  Coincidentally, my brother just got promoted at his job and what did he say when I asked him about his promotion??

“Soon I’ll be on fries, then the grill”  Of course he’s in prison so it’s the federal lockup kitchen.  But it’s a start and hey, optimism is optimism.

Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.

I make sure to say this at least 3 times a week.  This might be the one quote that you can easily bring up in the middle of any conversation that includes 2 ore more Black people.  It’s like knowing how to play Spades.

Prince Akeem: Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?

Only because I tried to get a chick to bounce on one leg once for me.  She didn’t bite…initially.

Annnnnnnnnd cut.

So falks, what are some quotes that you love and use in everyday life?

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