There’s no reason for you to know this about me but I’m a huge University of Michigan fan. I remember getting shots at the Uof M hospital and they used to give me Snoopy band-aids afterwards.  I always wanted to go there for school and seriously contemplated going their for undergrad and later on down the line grad school.  I never made it to Michigan (not that I have any regrets, I am a very smart brotha after all, my alma mater will whip your alma mater’s a** 8 days a week, pal) but that doesn’t change the fact that…

…I could NEVER date a woman who went to or loved The Ohio State University.  What kind of pretentious f*ck school actually calls itself “The” and capitalizes the sh*t?

I mean seriously.

I know its kind of stupid, but it is what it is.  That rivalry is well recognized in the sporting world by all parties involved and basically f*ck Ohio State.

(Just to prove how insane my allegiance is to UofM, I dated a chick from Howard once, and they’re like Morehouse’s b*tch rival or something…except they’re not because they’re, ya know, Howard and we’re like, Morehouse.  Howard’s still cool though; they got a real bangin’ clock tower and everything!)

I have a cousin who goes to Michigan State right now and I’m conflicted about her decisions and the possible choices she may make in life, by the way.  I’ve expressed this concern to her.

Anywho, that got me to thinking about some quirky deal breakers.  I remember when we had our little tete-a-tete about dealbreakers, everybody listed things that they just couldn’t deal with, but really, those were quite sensical.  Somehow, “sensical” isn’t showing up as a real word, despite “nonsensical” being a word.  I’m truly perplexed by this.

Here is a list of other things that I know off top that are slightly-left-of-center as dealbreakers:

-    If a chick told me Halle Berry wasn’t pretty, I’d have to let her go.  Why?  Because she’s clearly blind and my vision’s already bad enough.  We’d f*ck around and make a baby that’d need LASIK before it was actually birthed.  Dump.Ed.
-    If a chick didn’t like Hurly Burly Coming To America, well, Loc’em And Smoke’em.  As perfect as this movie is, any woman who didn’t like this movie clearly hates being Black.  And I can’t date clear women.  For one, I’d have to throw water on her just to see her on some Hollow Man ish.  And that just seems like too much work to do on the regular.  Plus, she’d mess up my couch.  It may be IKEA, but it wasn’t cheap.  AND I put it together myself.
-    I SERIOUSLY wouldn’t even consider dating a chick who threw a piss fit about going to McDonalds TGIFridays.  I love that place.  I’m not even sure why but I do.  It’s fine American dining at a reasonable price.  Plus it has the word Friday in its title and who doesn’t love Fridays?  I ask you, who?
-    No love for Donny Hathaway?  Well you might as well one hug yourself darlin’, because upon hearing that, you’re outta there like the Chicago Cubs.

These are definitely quirky deal breakers for me.  They may seem petty to some degree, however, I just can’t comprehend some things in life.  Forget politics, if you are on some Ohio State sh*t, you got to go.

So toss your dealbreakers people, we’ve been there and done that.  What are those things pacifically specific to you that may not make sense to anybody else that would cause you to have to chuck the knucklehead, even if you seen him yesterday and he was cool?  (Name that Artist/song/album?)

And be honest; if you couldn’t date a man who wore speedos socks or a woman who only wore chaps granny panties, its okay, we won’t judge.

(Actually I will promise I won’t.)

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