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You love your friends. You love your S.O. There’s only one problem—they don’t seem to love each other very much. Sometimes there’s a good reason for the animosity between your boyfriend/girlfriend and your friends, and sometimes they just rub each other the wrong way. What can you do when you’re trapped in the middle? Spending all of your time divided between the two may seem like a solution, but it won’t work. Even if your partner is no where to be seen, that doesn’t mean your friends won’t snag the opportunity to criticize him or her to you. Same thing goes with your friends-free time with your mate. You’ll need to either intervene, or cut someone loose.

If you’re thinking that you’re going to have to choose between your S.O. and your friends, you’ve got a tough decision ahead of you. The first thing you need to consider is the validity of each party’s complaints. What have your friends said they dislike about your partner, and what has your mate commented negatively on about your buddies? Are either of their complaints valid? If your friends hate your boyfriend or girlfriend because he/she has cheated on you repeatedly, then they may have a good point. It might be time to trust your friends’ wisdom and dump your subpar partner, even if you still have a soft spot for them. If their only complaint is that they think he’s annoying or not good looking enough for you, though, your friends might need dumping.

If you feel that sacrificing your friends for your mate– or vice versa— isn’t an option, then you have to figure out how to intervene. You need to decide what you need from each person involved before you can move forward. Do you want your boyfriend or girlfriend to stop mocking your friends when they’re around each other? Do you want your friends to stop openly sulking when your S.O. comes along on a night out? Decide just what you can ignore and what you will no longer put up with. Then talk to everyone involved. Take your partner aside and tell them exactly what you need. Flat out inform him or her that he/she doesn’t need to like your friends, but they should learn how to tolerate them. Make it clear that you’re not going to choose one side over the other, but that you would just like everyone to behave nicely when it’s time to be in the same room. Then take your friends aside and give them their speech. Tell them that your mate is going to be nicer to them, but they have to return the favor. Say that you love your S.O. and your friends way too much to give up on either of them.

Once you’ve had your say, you may be surprised to notice that everyone behaves a little better. If there’s someone who doesn’t, then you really should question how much they care about you. If your boyfriend/girlfriend and friends love you as much as you love them, they’ll make a true effort to help remedy the situation. If they don’t, they’re just not worth it.